Character Complaints
by clutzie-cutie
Summary: A series of letters from characters to JKR and WB Studios concerning the movies. Chapter 39: Fat Friar.
1. The Boy Who Lived twice

**Going to be a series of letters from characters concerning the movies. Enjoy!**

**Characters Complaints**

Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,

I am writing concerning the muggle films that were created. Yes, it is really me, Harry Freakin' Potter.

Firstly, what the bloody hell is up with my neck in the 5th movie? I look like a snake. It's very strange and confused me to no avail.

Secondly, why do I always have so many cuts on my face? Every time I turn around there are scratches on my face.

Thirdly, my eyes are green. That is a fairly important fact. But in the films my eyes are blue.

In the 5th movie I have more mood swings than a girl during her time of the month. It is absolutely and utterly ridiculous.

In the 6th movie, I seem like a stuck up prat. I mean come on, that kissing scene was extremely strange!

In the 7th movie, it was really awkward with Hermione. All that dancing and what not.

In the 8th movie, why on God's green earth did I jump out of a window with Voldemort? So, so odd.

Please take this in to consideration. WB studios, please re-read the books.

**Sincerely,**

**Harry James Potter.**

P.S. Hermione proofread this.

P.S.S. Now that we have your addresses, others will be sending letters with their complaints.

**I hope you liked it! Should I continue? What characters would you like to see? Review please….**

**Thanks to Lady Elizabeth of New York for the green eyes thing! **


	2. A disappointed werewolf

**So my plan is to have one of these everyday!**

**Dear Ms. J.K. Rowling and the WB Studios,**

Hi! I'm Remus Lupin. Werewolf and all.

I'm writing you to discuss the discrepancies in your films. I realize that you are muggles. But there are some issues I would like to discuss.

My clothes. What is up with them? There is a clear difference between shaby and off the street. That brown suit is absolutely horrendous.

Also I am not, I repeat, NOT a hunchback. Then why is my character always leaning forward?

How come my son is not in the movie? This is horrible.

And me and Dora were not together until the END of the 6th book. But in the film version we are together by Christmas.

I was really hoping for my death scene to be in the film, but alas it was not. If I heard correctly, my death was cut so the damn movie could be in 3D. (I saw it in 3D, it was not worth missing my death scene).

But on a better note, your interpretation of the werewolf transformation was quite accurate.

**A slightly disappointed,**

**Remus Lupin**

**Please review. Character suggestions welcome! **


	3. A Free Elf

**Dear very kind Ms. Rowling and her friends at WB Studios, **

Hello! Dobby has things to tell you. He liked the movies with his friend Harry Potter. But there were something's Dobby didn't like.

Dobby helped Harry Potter find gilly weed. And Dobby saved Harry Potter with it. Why does poor Dobby not get it in the movie?

Also Dobby's friend Winky wasn't in the movie. This was very upsetting for Dobby. Winky is Dobby's best friend (other than Harry Potter of course).

Dobby was sad that the house elves weren't really in the films very much. And Ms. Granger's noble attempt to free all elves wasn't in them at all.

But Dobby was very happy with his death scene! He got to save Harry Potter. And was very funny!

**Much love, **

**Dobby, A Free Elf**

**Here's the next letter! Thanks to CrazyAboutJazzy14 for the brilliant ideas! A huge thank you and cookies to all my reviewers! Please review if you read!**


	4. The Snake in the Zoo

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

WB, I am from Brazil! Not BURMA!

**Sincerely, **

**The Snake in the Zoo**

**Super short one! Again thank you CrazyAboutJazz14 for the idea! **

**Review!**


	5. A Peeved Poltergeist

**Dear Rowling Schmolling and We're Butts Studios, **

It's Peeves! Yeah! The one you forgot!

I'm coming after you! There will be ghost mice in your beds! And an assortment of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes will be making their way to you.

I wasn't in the freakin' movie! I am the lovable pranksters, so why was I not in the movie!

**Sleep with one eye open, **

**Yours truly, **

**Peeves the Poltergeist**

**Sorry I didn't post yesterday. But I guess I did post 2 on Friday. Soooo, yeah. Any more requests? Thank you to all my reviews, favoriters, alerters and readers. **

**EVERYONE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Press the button!**

**\/**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dear J.K. Rowling and WB Studios,**

Okay, first things first, I am not a conceited prat who cares only about looks.

Like in the 3rd movie, I couldn't give a damn on what my hair looks like from the bloody behind! Oh god, I've been spending too much time with Ron!

But on the point, my dress robes were periwinkle blue, not a frilly pink dress!

Though I do love my punching scene with Malfoy!

Even though you got this wrong, I thank you. My teeth and hair were much nicer in the films.

**Sincerely,**

**Hermione Granger-Weasley**

**Hello! I have taken over! It's Teddy! I'm taking over today from Imo! Or clutzie-cutie as you know her. She apologizes for not posting yesterday! **

**Review…. I think.**


	7. Greetings from the Lake

**Dear Writers Above the Surface, **

Hello, It's me the Giant Squid!

Moaning Myrtle is writing this for me.

I was saddened to see that I failed to make any appearance in your films.

I am a fricking GIANT SQUID!

**Thank You,**

**Mr. G. Squid**

Hello! I have returned. All of the kids (including me) in my family were ill. And apparently my older twin brother gets the computer first because he's older. GRRRR… Well anyway…. Review!


	8. An COGENDER School

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

You are receiving this message from the muggle control office at Beauxbatons School of Magic:

It has come to our attention that in your films our school is portrayed as an all girls school.

This is not the case.

We have been losing muggle born and half blood males who are under the impression that our school is all girls. This is a serious issue.

Please change it or we will be setting a horde of winged horses on you.

**Much thanks, **

**The Muggle Control Office of Beauxbatons**

**A/N: Hope you liked! I will do Durmstrang tomorrow! Please, please, please review! Also I posted a Snape one yesterday, so if you could, could you check it out. **

**Lots of love, **

**Imo**


	9. The non stick waving school

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

This is an automated message from the Muggle Protection Department at Durmstrang Institute:

We are a girl and boy school. Not a boy's only school.

Also we most certainly do not wave sticks around.

You do not want to know what will be sent after you.

Please make this clear.

End message.

**The Muggle Protection Department **

**Not my best, but ah well. Review! If you have ideas PM me! **

**Lots of love, **

**Imo**


	10. Not a traitor

**For ****Cyanide 6 **

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

Hi!

I have a few complaints.

One, I don't have a Scottish accent.

Two, I most certainly did not sell out the DA. That was Marietta!

And me and Harry broke up because he was a pig headed idiot. Not because of the DA!

**Fix it, **

**Cho Chang**

**Hi! I'm not totally happy with this one. But please review any way! **


	11. An Old Man's Ramblings

**For Sincerely the Sign Painter**

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

I am writing you to discuss the issues with my character in the films you made. I must admit though they are mildly accurate with most of the truth.

Also, I was quite fond of Richard Harris. He seems to portray me well. And Michael Gambon was acceptable for the majority of it.

But there were some flaws in his performance. Such as he depicted me quite, well, angry. I am not a very angry person. He yells at everyone and I most certainly do not do that. I feel that Harry and most people are almost afraid of him. I truly do not raise my voice as much as is shown.

Also I don't wear fez's. Tassels are not really a true wizard's garb.

As a slight side note, I am not Irish. I am a proud English man.

I realize that you cannot change any of this. But you should be aware of these things.

Thank you for listening to an old man's ramblings.

**Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!**

**Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore**

**Hope everyone enjoyed! Reviews are very welcome. As are suggestions!**


	12. Anger Managed Potions Master

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

I have seen your muggle films. And although Alan Rickman was passable. I quite enjoyed the scene when my character hit Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley over the head.

But that is one of the only instances where it shows the true nature of my relationship with the Gryfiffindors. I, me in the movie, am almost nice to them. I do not like Potter, Granger, any of the Weasleys, or Longbottom.

Also, I am not an inferi. Although the way I am portrayed in the films it would appear that way. Until you inappropriately showed my last moments with Lily.

And speaking of last moments, thoughts do not appear as tears. They appear as strands of hair.

You are all muggle fools.

**Severus Snape**

Ps. Why on earth did you have to kill me? My life is hell. All of my enemies are up here.

**SOS!**

**So…. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Discombobulation?**

**Could I just say that sometimes the voice in my head sounds like Snape in the movie! I know, odd.**


	13. Why are we here?

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios,**

Um, yeah…. None of us are in the books. None of us constantly hang around with Harry and co.

So why are we in the movies?

**Sincerely, **

**The never mentioned, random and totally unnecessary people **

**That had always bugged me. I may post another one to make up for yesterday! We're almost at 50 reviews! The more reviews I get the more likely I'll post another one. **


	14. Marvelous Me

**Dear My Adoring Fans, **

You have the great pleasure of reciveing a letter from Gilderoy Lockhart himself. Yes, yes it is I, Gilderoy Lockhart (Order of Merlin 3rd Class).

I am writing to you to compliment you on your wonderful movie, Gilderoy Lockhart and the Boy Who Lived. It truly was amazing. I mean how could that go wrong? It's all about me!

Although I was tragically forgotten in the 5th movie, which was quite a disappointment.

And a fun tidbit for my adoring fans; I regained my memory 3 months ago.

**Much Love, **

**Gilderoy Lockhart**

**A shout out to the 50****th**** reviewer****, ****..Music. Review! **


	15. Epic Owl

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios,**

I'm not sure why I'm writing this letter. I have no complaints. It's just boring up here. No letters or packages to deliver.

I have one compliment though. I absolutely love my death scene. Unrealistic, but totally, what do they say? Epic, I think.

**Send some letters back, **

**Hedwig**

**(Written by APWBD)**

**Sorry I didn't post this week. I needed a big reality check. But I'm better now. So virtual cookies and recognition next time, for people who figure out who wrote it. I think it's sorta obvious, but then again I'm a bit of a knucklehead. **

**Reviews greatly appreciated! Look down, see the button, yes I know you do. So press that and hit the small squares. Then send it to me. **

**As a side note, I realized that I've been signing a different name here, than my pen name. My bad. **

**Finally (I mean it), I'm going to do a poll with each chapter. So here's today's:**

**Malfoy**

**-or- **

**Dudley**

**\/**


	16. Daddy's Boy

**Dear Rowling and WB, **

I find nothing wrong with your movies other than the fact that they were done by muggles!

If you screw anything up, my father will hear of it.

**Draco Malfoy**

**Um yeah… sorry this is late. I'm pretty sure that all inanimate objects hate me! And I couldn't think of anything wrong with Malfoy! **

**So…**

**Which is more evil? And which do you want next? **

**Voldemort **

**-or-**

**Ollivander (my mom is convinced his evil) **


	17. Missing Nose

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios, **

Where is my nose?

**I hope you know who you're dealing with,**

**Lord Voldemort**

**Turns out hitting your younger brother gets you grounded from the computer… oops! But I'm back so that's all that matters! For any NCIS fans, check out my fanfiction best friend NCISninja12! **

**Love, **

**clutzie-cutie**


	18. Blasted Emotions

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios,**

Where are we? I think we all agree that we're actually somewhat central to the plot. But we were cruelly forgotton.

We may be just some creatures, but we still have feelings.

**The Blast Ended Skrewts **

**Aw the poor skrewts! Please review! **


	19. Green Eyed Girl

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

First of all, I want to say that I understand that Muggle movies are generally inaccurate. But there were some massive issues in your films.

My eyes and Harry's. We have green eyes, but brown or blue or whatever concoctions you lot have come up with. And that is mildly important.

Also, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named calls me a Muggle. I'm a Mud-Blood and proud of it. By the way, what happened to his nose?

I hated James until 7th year. In your movies, it seems much sooner.

Also who is Francis? I have absolutely no recollection of ever giving anyone, much less Slughorn, a pet fish. I was so confused.

**Much Love, **

**Lily Evans Potter**

**Wotcher! I'm back! And have a pretty letgitiment reason for not writing. First of all I forgot. Second of all, I fractured my shoulder and got a concussion during a soccer game. Not fun. At all. I would like to thank my beta, who I've forgotten to thank, NCISninja12 for helping with all of my stories and being so supportive during my incapacitation. So hopefully, I'm back on track.**

**Any ideas? I'm thinking of doing Ron next, so if you can think of anything for him that would be great. Please review. Again, sorry for never updating. **

**Imo **


	20. Barny Forgotten

**Dear JK and WB, **

You forgot about me! How could you forget me! Cousin Barny! What would Mad-Eye say to you lot?

Ron, go away, no one cares. Yes I'm taking your slot. Why? 'Cause I'm Cousin Freakin' Barny!

**Sincerely, **

**Cousin Barny.**

**P.S. (From Ron) that isn't Barny, that's Harry. And he took my letter space….**

**Hmmmm… what would Mad-Eye say? I'm working on Ronald, but come on who doesn't love Cousin Barny. And yeah… thanks to my beta NCISninja12. **


	21. Siriusly!

**Dear Rowling and WB Studios, **

I have no tattoos and never will! So why do I look like a magazine for a tattoo parlor?

And I look old! Such a crime! You also screwed up my bloody hair and my bloody eyes! Is it that difficult?

What am I wearing? I look like a bloody prat! Come on! Vests! I thought that those were for school uniforms and Hufflepuffs?

As a side note, those vampire books are very creative. A guy who turns into an animal and has the name Black. And rides a motorcycle. Please note the sarcasm here.

**Siriusly, **

**Sirius Black**

**Gotta love Sirius. The last part comes from my amazing beta who recently changed her name from NCISninja12 to mischief-manager00, so check her out. **

**Review! **

**Imo**


	22. Time is a Fickle Feind

**Dear WB Studios (Ms. Rowling had nothing to do with this issue),**

My name is Father Time. You have messed with the time of the wizarding world.

In your films, many modern muggle contraptions are shown. This goes against the true timeline.

If you were to be exact and move the stories to your time period, then there would be no stories.

To clarify, the Potters died in 1981. Lord Voldemort returned in 1995. Sirius Black died in 1996. My dear friend Albus died in 1997. And the final battle in the war and the ending of the Wizarding War was in 1998.

**Father Time**

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

**I'm back and extremely sorry for not posting. This is the first time I've had solid access to a computer and internet at the same time. It will be better when I get back to school. So 'bout a month more. **

**This idea was from one of my friends, Anna. It drives her insane that the movies look like there modern.**

**Also, we've almost hit the big 100. WE CAN DO IT! **

**Also congrats to the US Women's soccer team on their victory in the quarters! **

**I may post one more, later today. So until then…. **

**-Imo**

**Question for today: **

**Favorite character and why? **


	23. It's a Cat's World

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

I never existed. Therefore, Ginny's sweater can not be on me.

**The Cat With Ginny's Sweater on it**

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

**So to make up for my crazy long delay, I give you a twoer. I know this is crazy short but, ya know what the whole "It's on the cat, dear." thing has driven me insane forever and ever. **

**WeaslyatHeart99 is the hundredth reveiwer! YAY!**

**And here's a quote for the chapter:**

****Follow your heart, follow your dreams. If writing is your passion, put everything you have into it.** Let that passion, that joy, lead you. In the end it might not lead you to exactly the place you thought you were heading...but it will absolutely lead you someplace wonderful. And don't let the Nay-Sayers, the Practical People, stop you or wear you down. Follow your dreams...and you can't go wrong. - J.M. DeMatteis**

**~Imo**


	24. A German State of Affairs

**Dear WB Studios and Ms. Rowling,**

****Thank you leaving us out of your movie. You saved our lives. Many thanks. I can not tell you how much it means to us.

We will be sending you sauerkuat, sauergraten, potato soup, potato pancakes, wienerschnitzel, and some good German wine.

**Thank you!**

**The Klinks (aka the German Family)**

**I can hear it now, "How can someone rise from the dead?". Weeeellll, truth be told, I've just been busy. Kinda. Freshmen year sucks. And the varsity soccer coach insists on having 2 and 1/2 hour practices. So I'm mildly busy. Also my dog has been using my plot bunnies as squeak toys. **

**And the german food joke is NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE. It's from a scene from an old show called Hogan's Heroes. **

**Any requests? Ideas? Faint glimers of ideas? Anything? Anything?**

**That's all folks!**

**~Imo**


	25. The Magical Map

**Dear WB Studios and Ms. Rowling, **

I was just wondering how Harry learned of the Marauders, as they are never mentioned in your films. It's almost as if he learns by magic. And there is no credit for the map. That was quite a challenge, and you just blew it off.

**Mr. Moony**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Muggle People, <strong>

I would kindly advise you to include this in your films. It is rather crucial. Also I would ask that you give the slimy, long nose git Snape a smaller role.

**Mr. Prongs**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear You Lot,<strong>

I am only called my name once! Once! In your little films! Please note what it is.

\/

**Mr. Padfoot**

**P.S. WE'RE HAVING A PARTY UP HERE. **

**P.P.S. Even with Snivilous creeping after Lily. **

* * *

><p><strong>And Finally, <strong>

This is an automated response when the person who would normally occupy this space has turned into an evil prat.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to Sincerly the Sign Painter for the brilliant idea. I hope everyone likes the format.<strong>

**Who gets the prat reference? _Mer_lin! I thought I was being clever, maybe not? **

**If you all could leave a note, then it would be great. **

**~Imo**


	26. Sparkles Diggory

**Dear WB Studios and Ms. Rowling, **

I have a few small questions. But first I would like to say thank you for portraying me quite accurately in the fourth film.

Moving on. So, my picture was up in the DA's room. I am totally fine with that. But then, Harry and my girlfriend, Cho, started making out in front of it. Is there no respect for the dead?

The fellow who played me seemed like a good guy. He even looked somewhat like me. I thought he had good things going for him, and then I saw him again. AS A _SPARKLING _VAMPIRE! First of all, vampires don't sparkle. (I had a friend whose second cousin was married to one. Quite a pleasant man considering.) And second, just why?

**Many Thanks, **

**Cedric Diggory **

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

**Hello again! I have honestly no excuse for my dreadful updating. Nothing to make up for it. I've had all bloody break. So all in all, I'm a pretty terrible fanfiction uploader? Wow, that sounded a lot better in my head. **

**Hopefully you lot can find it in your hearts to forgive me and drop me a note. **

**Question of the chapter: **

**Least favorite book (of the series) and why? **

**Lots of love, **

**~Imo**


	27. Use Your Head

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

I do not wish to be rude, but I feel that I have things that need to be said.

I was extremely disappointed that I was given such a small role in the second film. I felt that my talk with Harry and his attendance at my death day party really changed his second year.

But I do not complain that the Headless Hunters were not included in the film. It would only go to their heads.

**Many Thanks, **

**Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington **

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_YOU ARE ALL MY NEW FAVORITE PEOPLE! I LOVE YOU ALL! Even after my silence, I got 10 reviews in like one hour. Words cannot describe what I was feeling. _

_Please leave more reviews, it would make me immensely happy and pleased. _

_Thank you to codla for the idea. _

_Question of today: _

_Least favorite movie? Mine is the 5__th__ or the 6__th__ or maybe the 4__th__. I have choice issues. _

_~Imo_


	28. Red and Gold Pyromaniac

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios, **

OI! I'm not a pyromaniac!

**Seamus Finnegan **

**O-o-O-o-O-O**

_HELLO MY WONDERFUL PEOPLE! _

_I am now in the torturing establishment known as high school. It sort of sucks. This is short, but hopefully sweet. Maybe I should be paying attention in class, but eh, who cares? _

_Thank you to WitchHex for the idea. _

_It takes 30 seconds of your life to leave a review, so please do so. _

_Question of the day: _

_OTP? _


	29. A Cars Life

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios,**

I AM A NICE CAR! I DIDN'T EJECT MASTERS POTTER AND WEASLEY! OR THEIR BELONGINGS! And I quite like the forest and the spiders have their moments.

**Ford T. Anglia **

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_NOTE TO EVERYONE: In the past few days I have gotten numerous reviews pertaining to the very first one I did, Harry Potter. People have been reminding me that Dan Radcliff is allergic to the contacts. I KNOW THIS. Please stop telling me this. Thanks. I don't mean to sound rude, but it's incredibly frustrating. _

_Anyway, hope you all liked this. _

_Thanks to GiGi for this. _

_Question:_

_Where are people from? I don't mean to sound stalkerish, but I'm very curious. _

_Answer: _

_My OTP is probably NT/RL or Steggy (Avengers)_

_~Imo. _


	30. Big D, Animal Rescue

**Dear WB Studios and Ms. Rowling, **

Could I just say I love Free Willy, your movie? It really changed my life.

Now on to your movies involving me. I did redeem myself before Harry left. But you left that out. Now that makes me look like a bad guy. I don't like that. I've gone through years of anger therapy and now I am a very nice person. I run an animal shelter now. Is that not enough proof?

**Much Love, **

**Dudley Dursley **

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_Okay, I hope I haven't offended everyone with my last author's note. It's just very frustrating as an author. _

_Answer: I'm from the Midwest. No I don't talk like, "Eh?" "You betcha!" or "Oh ya". Well, maybe a little bit. I don't even play hockey. _

_Question: _

_Favorite color? And what house are you guys in for Pottermore? And if you aren't on Pottermore, then what house do you think you would be in?_

_~Imo_


	31. Fleeting Hair Colors

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

Excuse me for sending this, but it has been a source of great distress. I am not a goblin or elf. I am a MAN. And how on earth did I change appearances? I am not a metamorphmagus. I know of only two. Nymphadora and Theodore. So my hair, which is white, cannot change from white hair, to slicked back black hair. This is improbable.

**Filius Flitwick**

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_I'm giving you guys an extra 'cause we've hit 150 reviews! YAY! I'm so happy! I almost starting dancing in class. But I didn't, 'cause people would think me weird. Ah well. _

_Keep Calm and Leave a Review. (Wow, that was surprisingly clever) _

_I have just relized that I haven't done a disclaimer at all for this story. So real quick. Don't own any of it. All belongs to Rowling. All bow down to the Great Rowling. _

_Answer: My favorite color is purple. And I have been sorted in to Slytherin and Gryffindor. (Yes, I've done it multiply times. I'm very bad at remembering passwords) _

_Question: _

_What pairing just makes your skin crawl? _

_~Imo_


	32. The Powers That Be

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

****People do not disintegrate when hit by the killing curse. That isn't how it works. It works like: "Oh, I hate you! I'm going to kill you! Avada Kedavra!" Person's dead. Body's still there.

** Sincerely,  
><strong>

**Gods of Magic**

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_This is very random, but I was watching DH2 while home sick today and noticed how Bellatrix and Voldy turn into this weird sand/ paper/ something. And then vanish into the air. That's not how it works! *sing song voice*_

_Any-who (who still says any-who?), please be amazing and leave a review. I shall give you all virtual awkward Voldemort hugs if you do!__  
><em>

_Answer: Honestly, there are lots of pairings that make my skin crawl. One I really can't stand is Thorki, or Iron Frost. But in HP, I really am not a fan of Harry/ Tonks, or Harry/ Hermione. I'm sorry if people disagree with this, it's just my opinion, you are perfectly entitled to your own. _

Question:

If you could have one thing from the magical world (other than a wand or magic), what would it be?

Also, I would love if people have suggestions. I'm nearing the end of my list, and chances are once I'm finished with the list, I'm finished with the story.

_~Imo_


	33. A Thousand Curses

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO IMPERSONATE ME? AND WITH A MUGGLE NO LESS! SHE IS NOTHING COMPARED TO ME!

And you try to show the Dark Lord? He will kill you. HE WILL KILL YOU ALL!

And your muggleish excuses for pictures are a waste of time. They focus solely on mudbloods, blood traitors and half breeds. One of them even is focused on that filthy, little blood traitor, Sirius and his little wolf friend. It is pathetic! You are all pathetic!

**A thousand curses on you and your families, **

**Bellatrix Lestrange**

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_This may be my favorite so far. It was really fun to write. Bella is defiantly a bit off her rocker. _

_Quick, super random thing. So I was texting a few of my friends, and we were exchanging insults. One of my friends called someone a mudblood, and my other friend responded with: "You wash your mouth out!" Apparently she considers 'mudblood' a swear word. Sorry, just found this very amusing. _

_Answer: I would probably want to be a metamorphagus. It just seems soooo cool to be able to change your appearance. _

_Question: _

_Favorite spell and why?_

_I hope you all enjoyed your awkward Voldemort hugs for those of you who reviewed. And please come again for another, or you can choose to have one creepy Bellatrix laugh. _

_~Imo _


	34. Why Does It Always Have to Be Spiders?

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

Where to begin, where to begin?

Okay, let me make this perfectly clear. I am taller than Hermione. And I am taller than Harry. We aren't all about the same height. I am the tallest. In fact, I'm the tallest in my family. But no in your little Muggle filbs, I'm the same height. Not okay. And while we're on the topic of my appearance, I have freckles. Just thought I'd put that out there. And I never had hair that looked like a shaggy dog, neither did Harry.

Also, I was the one who figured out who Riddle was. Just saying!

And I got 200 points in my second year! Is that not good enough for your filgs?

Why the bloody hell did you put roller skates on a spider? What the hell was going through your twisted mind? All you had to do was take its legs off. And why did I dream about tap dancing spiders? Honestly, the things you muggles come up with.

I don't ever remember using Hermione as an owl. (Mainly because she would curse me into next week…)

So, I know it's all funny to laugh at my dress robes. But they really weren't that bad! Well, maybe. But not really! Yes they were! Go away Harry! This is my letter!

Speaking of my clothes, half the time I look like a sweater store for old ladies threw up on me. I'm always wearing those nasty itchy sweaters that Mum makes me wear when family comes over. They're dreadful.

Why do I come off as such a prat half the time?

Though, I would like to thank you for at least toning my relationship with Lavender down a bit.

I'm sure there are a lot more things I could complain about, but I'm hungry. Maybe I'll send a second letter.

**Ronald Billius Weasley **

**O-o-O-o-O**

_I've just relized it's been basically a year since I uploaded this. I feel like I've come so far. Thank you all for staying with me through all of it. _

_I hope I did Ron justice. It really is a challenge with some of the characters to figure out all the little details. So, like Ron said, there may be a second. _

_Answer: I would probably want Accio or an anti clumsy spell. _

_Question: Least favorite character and why. _

_Please leave a review for little ol' me. Oh! I can rhyme! (Not really) ((After reading that again. Wow. I really cannot rhyme, nor tell when something is going to rhyme. I'm just gonna go sit in the corner. Over there.)) Virtual tongue tongue taffies to everyone who reviews! _

_~Imo_


	35. Flaws in Your Vigilance

**Dear JK Rowling and WB Studios,**

****You there! How did you know any of this? Have you been spying on me?

There are many discrepancies that worry me in your films. I can not control lightning. That may be the very definition of dark magic.

Also my leg does not come off, nor does my eye have a leather strap around it. And I am missing a chunk of my nose. That was from a curse from a duel with all three Lestranges when we were capturing them. I wear that proudly. Additionally, I am not some pudgy old fool. I am Alastor Moody. I am not overweight.

My broom is normal. It is not some special reclining broom. My wand is also normal, not a staff. I may occasionally need a walking stick because of my leg, but my wand is seperate. It stays in a hidden pocket in my jacket that has magical ward around it. No, I will not tell you where that is. Do you take me for an idiot?

**Constant Vigilance!**

**Auror Alastor Moody, **

**Order of Merlin (First Class); Order of the Phoenix (1st and 2nd); Golden Wand Recipient; Red Phoenix Award **

**O-o-O-o-O-o-O**

_Moody is quite honestly a BAMF. Sweet and simple. Some one pointed out to me that I should've done Moody a while ago, and they were very much correct. _

_Random tidbit of my life: Today my mother came into my room. I was happily on my laptop. I assumed she wanted to talk to me so I shut my laptop. She demanded that I reopen it and show her what I was watching. I was watching AVPM. She thought I was buying drugs or something. Nope, just being a nerd. _

_Okay, I would love to thank all of you beautiful reviewers. Especially you right there, staring at your screen. You are amazing and I want to acknowlodge you all so here we go. _

_**Cyanide 6; Lady Elizabeth of New York; Professor Pang; Sincerely The Sign Painter; SimplyMe514; Stag Prongs' Doe Flower; semperfortis; Mionefan; StarkidWolf; jeremiah123; revengerufus; MaeSilverpaws1; . .Music; Aranel Azamai; CarolVAmellark; Kimper69; WeasleyatHeart99; AddeGranger; LizzyMalfoy333; Miss USA; Dan the paper guy; Citizenofwhoville123; Sylverquill; Khaemera; Anonymouse29; OliWest; WitchHex; Guest; ImNotShortImHobbitSized; Guest; WGOH; ginnyandharryluvr; Hufflepuff; Sirius' Princess; Mrs. NevilleLongbottom0971; Spirited Mare; Lina324; almightyswot; BAUNSY; Harold Llyod; fallenangel293; The Goddess of Myths; codla; I think; OspreyEmblem; Kairan1979; CescaHerondaleMorgenstern13; jmorono18; DeadMan'sChest; Jimli; Fallen-Ryu; AdamHeatherly; Cesca Herondale**_

_Wow, that is so many people. There are a few who deserve special thanks: Cyanide 6; Sincerely The Sign Painter and jeremiah123. You guys have reviewed from almost the very first one and that means so much to me. If you guys want a special one, even if I've already done it, you got it. _

_Answer: My least favorite character is maybe Harry Potter himself. I know that there could be no series without him, but he's just so whiny. He maybe justified, but jeez, tone it down a bit. He's a lot like Frodo in that aspect. _

_Question: _

_Favorite Movie, that's not a Harry Potter one? _

_~Imo _


	36. We Will Find You

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

****Please explain why we aren't in the movies. We will hunt you down. We can fly. You will pay.

**The Hippogriffs**

**O-o-O-o-O**

_Hello my beautiful people! You are all great. I HAVE FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS LIKE HANGNAILS AND ANNOYING MY AWESOME, FANTASTIC, COOL, FUNNY. PRETTY GHOST WRITER. AMEN. MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU YOUNG PADEWONE. And after that short intermission from Gigi. _

_Reveiwers from the past chapter: **Adde Granger; Cyanide 6(The awesomest reviewer of this story) ; ImNotShortImHobbitSized; Sweet Bitter Life; Ewelina Black. **_

_****Answer: Captain America or the Avengers_

_Question: If you could bring one character back from the dead, who would it be? _

_Please drop a note, in return one bar (virtual) of Honeyduke's Best Chocolate. _

_~Imo_


	37. Twitch, Twitch

**Dear Muggles, **

How dare you dirty the Dark Lord's great name with your filthy pictures?

I do not twitch like a mad man.

What is wrong with you?

**Barty Crouch Jr. **

**O-o-O-o-O**

_Hello my dear readers! Yes, yes, I know I'm an absolutely dreadful person. I deserve to be locked in a room with Umbridge for an hour. *dodges flying tomatoes* _

_Moving on. Did anyone else watch Tom Hiddleston and his speech at the MTV Awards? I am Loki of Asgard. I am burdened with glorious popcorn. Priceless! _

_Answer: Uh... If I bring back Sirius, then there's Remus. And if there's Remus, there needs to be Tonks. So from HP, I'm going with Fred. And from another fandom, Morgana. (I will admit Mergana is one of my top 3 pairings) ((Blame Caught Ink Handed, my beta, for getting me obsessed with Merlin)) _

_Question: Position on a Quiditch team? What team?_

_Reviewers have their choice of: Awkward dance with Harry or Hermione, or strange dance with Luna. Your choice, if you leave a review. _

_~Imo_


	38. Bottomed Out Why the long face?

**Dear Ms. Rowling and WB Studios, **

I just wanted to thank you for your portrayal of me in your movies. It was actually surprisingly accurate. I felt like the way your actor matured throughout the film was very close to how my life was. Mr. Lewis did quite a great job.

I also enjoyed my speech at the end of the Battle of Hogwarts. It was not quite what I said, but it had the general gist.

But I was sadly disappointed with the fact that my parents were left out. They are great and honorable people. They lost their minds in the fight against Voldemort. They deserve some recognition.

Also, to clarify, I love Luna as a friend. She is my best friend, but nothing more than that. I love Hannah with all my heart.

**Thank you for your time, **

**Neville Longbottom **

**O-o-O-o-O**

_Wotcher! Neville is definitely one of the best characters, in my mind. This one was really fun to write. _

_I hope you and all of your families are safe after the explosions in Boston. _

_Answer: I think I would be a beater or a chaser. I don't have enough coordination to be a seeker or a keeper. I probably wouldn't be good enough to play past Hogwarts! ;)_

_Question: What would you want as your pet at Hogwarts: owl, cat or toad? Or if you want you can have a traitorous rat. _

_Please excuse this short interlude of self advertising: Check out my other story, Wheezing at Grimauld Place! And done. _

_Reviewers will have the chance to smash one of Umbridge's creepy cat plates! _

_~Imo _


	39. All that forgives is forgiven

**Hello Ms. Rowling, and WB Studios, **

I realize I'm not a very important character in Mr. Potter's stories, but I was rather sad when I was completely forgotten. But it's perfectly fine. I just wish I could've been featured a little more. But I really did enjoy you films. They were quite the accomplishment. Congratulations!

**Friar Fredrick the Fat**

**O-o-O-o-O**

_Yes, that was the Fat Friar. I figured he'd be very nice about everything._

_PjoHP: I can't remember my user name, but I was in Slytherin the first time, and Gryfindor the second time (I'm terrible at remembering passwords)_

_Answer: I'd bring an owl. _

_Question: Who is your favorite villain? Harry Potter or otherwise?_

_The prize for reviewing is your very own Edible Dark Mark. _

_~Imo_


End file.
